"For Everything There Is a Season . . ."

I love seasons. And I’m thankful indeed to live in a place where we really have them.

I like summer, though it is not my favorite. The best thing about summer, I think, is that since kids and teachers have at least a few weeks off, life even for the rest of us tends to take on a little less harried and hurried hue. The shrill voices of the bean counters pushing “year round school” a decade or two ago have fallen blissfully silent. Not all of the most important education kids receive happens in school. Summer helps keep things in perspective.

Speaking of school, the school calendar and the seasons are a tad in conflict. The fall semester begins in summer and the spring term begins in the dead of winter. But it’s funny that in my part of the world, nature seems to pay undue attention to the school calendar. School starts and nature often flips the autumn switch a month early. Mornings become cooler, cool fronts begin showing up, morning fog becomes pretty common, and, I’m thankful to say, grass slows its growth and yard slaves begin to live in hope of fall’s freedom.

I love the cooler respite autumn provides. One of the best things about summer is the opportunity to work with the Lord in growing some of his beautiful plants and flowers. In summer’s harshest heat, scorching and parching are dangers. But autumn comes along and the plants you’ve been sweating over all summer get a chance to breathe a sigh of relief, strut their stuff, and do more than just cling to life. Come to think of it, now that the old grass is slowing down, we’re heading into a great time to get some new grass started in some bare patches. Sometimes I think fall is my favorite season.

But then comes winter, and that means fireplaces and hot tea and sweaters and snow and Christmas. In rare moments when I’m sitting by the fire with a good book and snow is falling outside, I tend to think winter is my favorite season.

Spring is all about new life. How can you not like spring? But spring here means wind, and any season with lots of wind with dirt in it has a good bit to overcome in my book. But some green starting to poke through dead stuff is still exciting.

Yeah, I like seasons. The wise man was right: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” God spins this world, whirls it around the sun, and amazing things happen. The same God gives us life and leads us through it, and each stage and season of our lives has its own challenges but also its own enthralling beauty. Yes, life comes with some occasional dust storms. You hang on and pray for strength to ride out the ugliness. But God’s gift of life also comes with breath-taking beauty. The summer of life brings kids and the autumn of life brings grandkids.

I love the seasons.





Copyright 2010 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

Christian Ministry in the Future Which Is Now

On my desk for months has been a little book I’ve finally opened. It has been eye-opening.

In the Name of Jesus was written by priest, professor, and writer Henri Nouwen and includes his “Reflections on Christian Leadership.” Originally published in 1989, the book was Nouwen’s look ahead to Christian ministry in the twenty-first century.

Well, here we are. And the future is now.

When Nouwen wrote the book, he was in his fifties, and his ministry was undergoing serious change. For two decades, he had been teaching and writing at the Menninger Institute, Notre Dame, Yale, and Harvard. He was very well-known. In 2003, seven years after his death, a survey named him as the first choice of authors for Catholic and mainline Protestant clergy.

But after all his success, Nouwen found himself feeling empty. In a “very dark place” in his life, he began to realize that ‘burnout’ was a convenient psychological translation for a spiritual death.”

At that point, he felt led to make a complete change, and he accepted the invitation to move from Harvard to the L’Arche “Daybreak” community for mentally handicapped people near Toronto, Canada, to serve as pastor.

From daily association with the brightest and most “upwardly mobile” of society Nouwen found himself daily ministering in very physical and “non-glitsy” ways to the weakest of the weak, the simplest of the simple, who could read none of his books nor understand his former lectures. The only thing that impressed them was love.

It’s a depressing time (1989) to be a pastor, Nouwen wrote, a time when increasingly people don’t feel a need for God, the church, and a minister. Ministers see little real change, attendance is down, apathy is on the rise. For care, folks look more to psychologists, counselors, doctors, often seeking a “do it yourself” fix in which God and spirituality enter in not at all. Nouwen thought it would get worse.

In an effort to be timely, he said the church and her ministers would face three temptations, the same basic temptations Jesus faced in the wilderness. Worship and prayer would be devalued and forced to bow to “relevance,” the “worth” of churches and ministers being based on their production of social services. Selfless leadership in ministry would give way to “self-made” stardom among rock-star “ministers.” And “leadership” would be seen as the right of the powerful rather than the example of shepherds being humbly led by the Chief Shepherd. Ouch.

But what would really matter? The “leader with outstretched hands,” “praying, vulnerable, and trusting,” who “chooses a life of downward mobility,” who knows that he is weaker than any to whom he ministers and that he needs worse than any to hear the word God speaks through him, “You are loved.”


 Copyright 2010 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

Tree Swing Plans and God's Plan for Love

Given the rare opportunity, I can go a long time without answering a phone of any kind and be just fine. In fact, one of the things I like about motorcycles is that talking on a phone on one is almost impossible and not recommended, unless you’ve installed a BlueTooth helmet connection to be able to be bothered on two wheels. Why?!

But my phone rang twice last night, and both times I was absolutely delighted. In fact, I’m still basking in the glow of those calls. I like calls from friends and family and, blessing of blessings, I LOVE calls from my granddaughters, and each of the little beauties called last night!

The conversation with three-year-old Brylan was the longest phone talk we’ve ever had. She chattered and chattered, and I understood about 73% of what she said, but I just loved being the person she was talking to. Among other things, we continued work on some plans for a tree swing we’ve got in mind. Her reaction to the whole project? “Let’s do it, PawPaw!”

And then just a couple of hours later, the phone rang, and little two-year-old Brenley was calling from her bathtub. That little sweetie walks around the house, I’m told, with her plastic toy cell phone on her ear saying, “Hi, PawPaw.” (Ah, God is good!) But this was Brenley in person on a real phone which Mom was doing a fine job keeping dry. Brenley had called to sing, Shayla told me. “Baby B,” as cousin Brylan has christened her, launched beautifully into “Jesus Loves Me.” Celine Dion has never done a finer job with any tune!

It’s funny. We all go through most of the same stages of life, but no matter how many folks have preceded us, we can’t really understand what we’ve been told about the stage we’re in until we’re living it. Proud grandparents abound, but before I was one, I couldn’t really understand.

It’s not just that grandparents become crazy people at the moment of their grandkids’ birth. God uses those little people to change our lives and teach us a precious truth we thought we knew already: real love doesn’t have to be earned.

Oh, yes, I see talent just oozing out of those girls’ pores, but I loved them before I saw it. I think they’ll achieve much and go far, but all they have to do for me to love them completely is just to “be.” I want them to know the joy of learning, growing, maturing, and being “productive,” but nothing they could ever produce, be it grades or honors or fortunes or Nobel prizes could ever cause me to love them more. Perfect love “casts out fear.” Perfectionism and performance-based “love” is riddled with it. What those girls do I want them to do joyfully out of love for God, knowing they are already people of great value completely secure in their Father’s love.

My job is to be sure a grandfather’s love helps them know that. Normally, I’m not high on committees or meetings, but Brylan and Brenley and I need to get our heads together on some tree swing plans.





Copyright 2010 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

Who Do You Really Trust?

I’m not sure how far we should trust polls, but I wonder what the answer would be if anybody polled the American public on this question: With regard to the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, who do you trust least—British Petroleum, the government, or the press? Rank them in order.”

I’m not in any way enamored with BP, but I’m pretty sure my own answer would be that I trust BP at least as much as I do the latter two entities. My hardest choice between those three would be the race for 2nd and 3rd Place between grandstanding politicians and an incredibly self-righteous press.

This is old news now (over a week old) but the New York Times was reporting the government announcement that three-quarters of the spewed-out oil has “already evaporated, dispersed, been captured or otherwise eliminated—and that much of the rest is so diluted that it does not seem to pose much additional risk of harm.”

Nobody is saying that the spill hasn’t been a mess whose environmental, economic, and personal harm hasn’t already been horrendous. But, if this latest governmental assessment is true, it sounds like pretty good news—such good news that I’m surprised the media, which doesn’t like good news, would even report it. Surely they’ll “balance” it with a lot more questions and dire predictions from all sorts of “experts.” The oil may have stopped spewing but we can be sure that the experts will continue to spout for years to come. And we’ll all still want lots of oil, so I doubt any of us can afford much hypocritical hand-wringing.

And how does BP come out of this? Since I’m not one of their officers, employees, or stockholders, I’m afraid I’ll not lose too much sleep over it. But it will be interesting to see.

And I still wonder about the truth behind the mess. Was BP woefully and even criminally negligent, negligence that cost precious lives and lit the fuse for a major disaster? Or was this truly a tragic “accident”? (Those with a stake in the “blame game” can never afford to use that word.) Did BP violate some governmental regulations before the spill? I’m certain they did. Because of greed and recklessness? Or because government regulations in any such endeavor metastasize at such a rate that no one could possibly keep them all? (I don’t know, but look at the IRS code, take your taxes to three different preparers, and wait to receive three different “answers.” Or call the IRS for an answer, talk to three different bureaucrats, and I’ll betcha you’ll get three different answers more often than not.)

So where does the truth lie in all of this? I really don’t know. But I wonder.

The deeper question is this: Who do you really trust? Come to think of it, that’s the deepest and most important question of life: who do you really trust?

Only one answer is good enough. And only one God is big enough.






Copyright 2010 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

Ten Rules for a Good Clean Fight

Mark it down: all couples sometimes fight.

If it makes you feel better to hedge, make that “All couples sometimes have serious and somewhat warm discussions.” That is nothing but normal, and may even be healthy—vastly healthier than the immature, toxic, and completely unfair “I’m clamming up,” passive aggressive, silent approach no one should get away with.

I got this outline years ago from friend and colleague Lyndon Latham. I’m not sure where he got it, but there’s a boatload of wisdom here. Here are Ten Rules for a Good Clean Fight:

1) Before we begin, we must both agree that the time is right (Jeremiah 6:14; Psalm 141:3). Early in the morning or late at night are probably bad times. And why mess up a good meal?

2) We will remember that our only aim is deeper understanding (James 1:19-20). Remember that you love one another. Take turns speaking but mostly, Listen! Your mate may just need to blow off some steam. (And if you know you’re wrong, just admit it. But if you’re always right, you’re likely the “wrongest” of all.)

3) We will check our weapons often to be sure they are not deadly (Matthew 5:21-22a; James 3:6). Phasers should be set to “stun” and not “kill.” You know your mate, weaknesses included, better than anyone else. You can hurt your mate more than anyone else if you so choose. Don’t!

4) We will stick to the issue (Proverbs 10:19). No exhaustive lists of each other’s faults. And never in a fight use the words “always” or “never.” They are always unfair and untrue. Use “I feel” statements rather than “You” statements.

5) We will lower our voices one notch instead of raising them two (Proverbs 15:1). A shouter deserves to lose.

6) We will never discuss or reveal private matters in public (Proverbs 10:8). Duh!

7) We will never involve the children in the battle (Proverbs 10:12). NEVER fight in front of the kids or enlist their aid.

8) We will never resort to violence (Proverbs 29:11). Anger properly vented is not bad, but violence is absolutely off-limits.

9) We will discuss an armistice whenever either partner calls “halt” (Ephesians 4:26). Listen! When your mate signals, “Time out,” stop. Some discussions will take longer than one session. One couple’s signal is: “Let’s refer this to the committee.”

10) When we have come to terms, we will put the issue away until we both agree that it needs more discussion (Matthew 5:9). Some things you can agree on quickly. Some things you will never agree on. Don’t back your mate into a corner and force agreement where there is none. If you’re the more forceful spouse, this means you especially need to avoid the former temptation and take care of, rather than manipulate, your mate.

Let the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) and the Love Chapter (1 Corinthians 13) be your constant guides.


(For the full Ten Rule text, e-mail me at ckshel@aol.com.)





Copyright 2010 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.