God the Father Has Children, Not Customers

Maybe I’m just easily bugged. But the presently popular slow-down at fast food restaurants bugs me.


You see, I know what I want when I go to a fast food drive-through. And one of the things I want is for it to be fast. And I readily admit, most of the time, the speed is pretty impressive.


Did I mention that I know what I want when I go through a drive-through? I also know what I don’t want. I don’t want to be slowed down by the voice on the speaker asking me if I want stuff I don’t want.


“Hi, would you like a rich, creamy hot chocolate?”


“No, what I’d really like is for you to quit trying to sell me something I don’t want so I can get down to the business of telling you what I do want. I’m already here. I’m planning to buy something from you. And I will buy stuff if you’ll please be quiet and let me do it. I’ll also be a lot happier with my purchase and actually want to come back again if you’ll drop the annoying pre-sale sales pitch.”


That’s not the way I answer, but it’s the way I’d like to answer. It’s probably all there in the tone of my “No,” but there’s no point in my being testy. These folks are just doing what they’re told they have to do. And by now at my favorite coffee oasis, most of them know me and know what I want when they hear my voice. They’re nice folks. I like them and don’t want to be a jerk.


But I don’t like the sales pitch. It must “work” or the folks in charge wouldn’t be making their employees do it. I just really wish they’d quit doing it.


Which is one reason why I like to order inside. No pre-sale sales pitch. At least, not yet.


By the way, I guess those automated telephone answering systems so many companies use these days “work,” too, but customers hate them, and companies that care about their customers should care about what their customers hate. Please press 7 if you agree.


Recently I even discovered one fast food place proudly advertising on their menu that I’d get a free drink if their person on the raspy speaker forgot to ask me if I wanted to order something that I didn’t want. That surprised me. Not only am I not in the least offended if they forget to make their sales pitch, I’d actually be willing to pay more if they’d not make it.


My being bugged about this probably won’t change anything. I just need to get over being bugged.


But I’d almost be surprised if some consumer-driven mega-churches aren’t already considering something similar. You sit down at the pew, connect your cell phone via BluePewTooth, and get the options. “Take 5% off your tithe if we forget to ask if you prefer traditional or contemporary. Punch 4 if you’d like to check out a DVD player so Pastor Billy Bob (who doesn’t know your name) can deliver a heartfelt and personal prayer at your surgery via the plastic screen. By the way, would you like to upgrade to a plusher pew? Press 5.”


I’m glad God considers me a child and not a customer.





Copyright 2010 by Curtis K. Shelburne. Permission to copy without altering text or for monetary gain is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.